English Jockes Sms and hindi shayari






A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station,
sends a telegram to his wife : “I wish you were he.”
the message received by wife :”I wish you were her.....###

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Before leaving for office,
a man would tease his wife by saying,
“bye, mother of four!” one day, she said,
“Bye, father of two!” And he stopped his joke......###

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Pappu went his brother to the zoo,
On the leopard’s cage they saw a sign that read
Wet Paint, “Oh, ”Pappu’s brother said,”I always,
thought that leopard’s spots were real.....###

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Teacher :- “When was Rome built .....###
Student :- “At night, sir.....###
Teacher :- “Why?”
Student :- “U once said Rome was not built in a day.....###


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Love Is Like A Sweet Chocolate,
It Leaves Sweeter Taste In Life,
To Put A Sweet Bite For Next.....###
Time & It Makes Our Mind & Heart
Feel Sweet. Happy Chocolate Day......###

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Girlfriend setting password for her laptop with
boyfriend sitting beside her,
She types “MYBRAIN” as password
Boyfriend fell down of his chair laughing.....###
Because
Laptop replied: “TOO SMALL .....###

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First Two Benches are Reserved For VIP,
Next Two Benches are General coach ,
Then  Last Two Benches are Very Demanded,
Because Its sleeper coach......###

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No matter thorny the path,
my friend you were always there to heel my wounds,
U were the guiding light and kept me at gliding height......###

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Boyfriend to his girlfriend : my darling don’t you,
want to be come the sunshine of my life ?
girlfriend : certainly, nothing would make,
me happier than to be 150 million kilometers away from you......###

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I saw something in a shop window,
it was stunning cute, simply adorable,
I was supposed to but it for you,
then I realized it was my reflection......###

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When I call you, one ring means one,
I am missing you, to ring means,
I like you, three ring means one,
I am thinking of you, for ring means,
I need you, 5 ring means. idiot pick up the phone......###

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Beauty is not how you look,
it is not how handsome you are,
it is not your figure too,
beauty is the inner self,
so change your underwear daily......###

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I saw something very cute in shop window,
it was stunning simply adorable,
I was supposed to buy it for you but suddenly,
I realized that it was my reflection......###

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Earth may stop rotating,
birds may stop flying,
candles may stop melting,
fishes may stop swimming,
heart may stop beating,
but your brain will never start working......###

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31 States,
1618 Languages,
6400 Castes,
6 Religion,
6 Ethnic Groups,
29 Major festivals
& 1 Country
15th august independence day sms.....###

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If people talk about your beauty,
your power, your wisdom or your smartness,
then just give them a tight slap .....###
How dare they Fool you in advance......###

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I want to suck you .....###
lick you . . . .
wanna move my tongue all over you .....###
wanna feel you in my mouth .....###
yep, that”s how you . . . eat an ice cream......###

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Sweet is ur memory, good is ur name,
in are heart u both will always remain
a very happy birthday to u. hope your birthday is a golden gift,
wrapped in joy and ribboned in love,
a gift that holds precious memories and dearest dreams.
May every moment of ur life come with lots of fun and happiness......###

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I love  u and wish u a very happy birthday. 
love is just like life.
It is not easy and not always brings happiness......###
But when we don’t stop living, 
why should we stop loving?
Wish you a very happy birthday......### 
may god fill ur life with joy,
commitment and prosperity today, 
tomorrow and always......###
May all your dreams come true......###

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When you came into my life,
true love came into my heart......###
And my heart will never beat the same way,
again, I love u so very much......###


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Do I miss u?
would the stars miss the sky?
Would the sea miss the shifting sands of the shore?
Would the green tree miss the spring flower?
They would and that’s why I miss u......###

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Count your garden by flowers,
not by leaves that fall......###
Count ur days by golden hrs, not by clouds......###
Count ur right by stars and not shadows at all......###
Count ur life by smiles and not by tears......###

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It there are 10 people who care for you, I’m of them,
if there is 1 person who cares for u, it is I again......###
If there is no 1 who cares for you, then I’m no more......###

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Gates of memories will never close......### 
How much I love u, nobody noz......###

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I have liked lots of people, but loved very few. .....###
But no i has been as special as u......###

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Ink can dry, birds can fly, u can for get me, but how can I......###

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Live ur life by smiles, not by tears, 
count ur age by centuries not by years......###

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A hug warms the heart, 
a kiss brightness the day and a good morning to start your day.
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I love u not bcoz of who you are, 
but becoz of who I am when I am with you......###

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The sun can fade away......### 
Rivers can dry you can forget me, but how can i......###

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sun  can fade away, rivers can dry, u can forget me, how can I?

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I ‘ m in the world to love u, to want u, 
to need u, to feel u, to be with u......###



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Rivers can dry, mountain may fly, 
u may forget me but never can i......###

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Friends like u r hard to find......###
Friends like ours is difficult to define......###

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U r all my emotions, senses my breath and precisely me. I miss u even more by each passing day......###

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Wisdom lies in making efforts and submitting oneself to god......###

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Roses say, “don’t touch me”, trees say, “don’t cut me,” I say, “don’t forget me.

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Friends are god, friends are kind, but friends like u are hard to find......###

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It is not important whom do u love, 
important is that who loves u......###

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U r confession, u r my precious possession and it my true confession that you r love is my devotion......###

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Some years ago, from a very distant star,
there landed on this planet,
a very beautiful angel with sparkling eyes.
And that was u......###

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May god fulfill all ur wishes and bless u with success and  happiness......###
I love u and will remain with u thru all ups and downs......###
When ever u will look behind, I will be always there for u......###


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Always draw a circle around the ones u love,
never draw a heart bcoz,
hearts can be broken but circles are never ending......###

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Dreams visit us when we are asleep......###
But god is truly wise,
he makes us up each day and gives us,
a chance to make are dreams come true......###
U made mine cum true......###

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Every garden must have a flower like rose,
every sweat face must have a red rose,
every grass must have a dew......###
Every person in this world must have a friend sweet like u......###

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The pilot told the co-pilot.....###
the plane was on fire,
but there is nothing to worry......###

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Santa to tailor – how many charge for pant sewing
tailor – 70 rs.....###
santa – and for half pant
tailor – 30 rs.....###
santa – so, please sew my 48 inch’s half pant......###



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Wishing you the light of hope that keeps the future bright,
wishing you a Christmas touched with god’s external light......###



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Heap on the wood, The wind is chill,

but let it whistle as it will,

We’ll keep our Christmas merry still......###


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Last night I was restless, I couldn’t sleep so,
I took a photo of yours n kept it alongside my bed,
Believe me. It workers wonders,
All the mosquitoes went away. Good morning ......###

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The doctor said after examining
the patient – will be utilized specs.
the patient asked surprisingly – but doctor,
I have already engaged spectacles......###
the doctor said – I would have checked specs......###

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A foolish man going somewhere for job.
Owner – come tomorrow on the jop.
The man sit on a chair lying there......###
owner  – why sat on chair? You are servant.
foolish – tomorrow I will be servant.
So I think today shall sit in chair......###

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The waiter took his son to a zoo show......###
There the man in front of the cage of lions
throwing piece of meat from a distance to feed him.
The boy asked his father – Daddy why
the man not feed the lion properly......###

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Waiter: What’s your order sir?
Me: 1 kadhai paneer and 3 butter naan….....###
Waiter: and what do you like in desert sir?
Me: I like camel ride.......###

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Interviewer: What is your weakness?
Guy: I’m short tempered......###
Interviewer: Explain
Guy: Phir wahi baat bhenchod......###

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Teacher- What is The Difference Between
Love and Liquor ?

Student- If Liquor Exceed the Limit Boy Vomit
and
If Love Exceed the Limit Girl Vomit......###

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Pappu on honeymoon (To Wife) .....###
Before Marriage I had too Many
Physical Relations with Call-Girls......###

Wife: Oh! I am Thinking the Same
That I have seen you
Somewhere Very Close......###


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Husband – Change the Channel to Sports Channel.

Wife – Never......###

Husband – OK I Will See......###
Wife – What?

Husband – Channel What You are Looking......###

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A boy & a girl loved each other very much......###
unfortunately the boy died.
girl was upset too much & she couldn?t stop her tears......###
she kept on crying every day.
many people gave sympathy but no argument could stop her tears......###
one night she slept & had a dream.
she saw the guy in heaven with so many guys of his age......###
he felt relaxed.
but she noticed that every guy was in fairy dress &
had a lightened candle in their hand.
but her guy had a candle which was not lightened......###
she asked him: ?why your candle is not lightened??
he said: ? whenever i lighten my candle my candle your tears falls on it?
please don?t cry for whom you really love?
because they don’t want you too.....###


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What’s wrong with your cell?
Tried calling you so many times but,
everytime the operator says,
the subscriber your calling is in your heart......###
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The wife her asks her husband,
“Why do you keep my picture in Ur wallet?”
Husband replies : “Whenever I have a problem,
no matter how big. I look at your picture and feel better.....###
“Do I have such a soothing effect on U? the pleased wife asks.”
“Actually, when I look at your picture,
all other problems in the world appear to,
be too small in comparision,” he tells her......###

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two Irishmen were flying over Baghdad,
I had sand & the other had cement,
I asked why are we doing this d other said,
we are doing a mortar attack......###

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Santa : Oye Bate, you are wearing,
1 green and 1 blue socks,
Banta : Yes, it’s really strange,
I’ve got another pair of the same at home......###


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